I Still Choose You

I still choose you
You are not my lover anymore
The ephemeral spring of physical intimacy gone dry
Experiencing your embrace
The pulse of life a fading memory
Still, I choose you
The wanderlust saturated sorbet sunsets
Placid moonlit waters mirror grateful hearts
Surging winds blistering fire scared trees
In these moments of being
Infinite gifts
Expansive contentment
I choose you
When I long for a strong shoulder to comfort my feminine heart
Assurances of certainty in blue topaz eyes
Acceptance beyond my familiar comforts
I still choose you
There is liberty beyond the reach of human touch
There is liberty in spiritual love

 

Pacha Mama

I have sworn an oath
Ancient beyond known years
To protect her
My grandmother
My mother
My sister
My niece
Myself
As the winds swirl along her frozen lake shores
Grains of sand carried to faraway lands
Tree tops bend with ease
Water is whipped into spray upon her breeze
She calls forth to those
Who committed long ago
Beyond all memory
To our intuitive impulse
Come hither children
Your purpose is now
Earth is born anew

 

Conflict, Transformational Waters

Just like water, conflict infiltrates our lives at all levels.  There is inter and intra conflict; there is group, community, country, and multi-nation conflict.  There is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual conflict.  There is physical conflict over water resources whether it is used for agriculture or saved for fish.  There is emotional conflict over water resources whether it is an economic resource or an inherent right.  There is mental conflict over water resources whether technological innovation will mitigate the impacts of climate change on the water cycle or do conditioned socioeconomic behaviors need to evolve.  And do we perceive water only as a resource to be utilized or do we value and revere it as the source of life.  Yet, water is always transforming, evolving, moving, flowing, and undulating.

“Conflict is normal in human relationships, and conflict is a motor of change” (John Paul Lederach, The Little Book of Conflict Transformation).  Conflict is a very taxing experience physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Persistent conflict at any level changes human psychology invariably contributing to a focus on the quickest resolution of discomfort, anxiety, and pain.  Subsequently, the bigger picture as to the origins of the conflict, how to use it as a catalyst for change, and how to prevent it in the future are often overlooked.  More oft than not it is a natural case of fight or flight, negating the rationale mind.  Concurrently, the degree of conflict within the individual is often reflected in the intensity of conflict in countries and between nation states.  Just as the ocean is a compendium of water drops, civilization is a compilation of individuals.  The willingness of individuals to be reflective and accountable to their own intrapersonal conflict the more apt they are to reflect on their contribution to the whole.  When we as individuals cultivate greater awareness of our own conflict it becomes a transformative process that invariably ripples outwards altering interactions with family, friends, immediate community and global community.   

From a personal perspective I have preferred to avoid conflict (intra and inter) because I wanted to be accepted, I did not want to make someone feel bad by countering their perspective, and inevitably emotions were involved.  Emotions are inherently messy and personal; and I didn’t like to feel whether it was my own fear and pain or someone else’s.  Consequently, I was always willing to yield my position, what resonated with my soul to avoid conflict.  The more I reflect on this I realize that it was a disservice to myself and those involved to simply maintain the status quo; the potential to transform two lives was being missed.  Like a boulder in the stream two perceptions can be derived either it is something to avoid or it is time to change course.  The first is disempowering whereas the latter is empowering.  When I own my conflict and resolve it at the lowest level I am more inclined to perceive conflict on a larger scale as an opportunity for constructive change.     

It is interesting to observe that at an individual level I have afforded myself the opportunity to avoid conflict but on a global scale, there is only one Earth.  Avoidance may buy some time but eventually climate change and the ensuing water crisis must be addressed.  When I personally sidestep conflict that leaves me ill prepared physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to address global conflict that cannot be circumnavigated.  It is easy to negate personal responsibility, hell it is encouraged and praised in our culture.  The childish antics of celebrities, politicians, sports athletes, and many unconscious individuals are hoisted on a pedestal of pop media glorification and foisted upon the collective social psyche as the norm.  The ignorance is bliss, I’m the center of the world, me, me, me mentality only compounds the negative feedback loop of global capitalistic materialism which purports consumption to be the solution for all malaises.  Real issues of racial, economic, and environmental disparity are ignored.  The collective psyche is in an eddy continuously circling back missing the opportunity to change course and move forward with the flow of the river. 

Fortunately, the predicament posed by climate change and the looming ecologic, social, and economic collapse is forcing humanity to make a choice.  Either be accountable and resolve conflict at all levels or continue to ignore the obvious.  The comfortable conditioned paradigm is no longer an option but rather an impediment to survival.  The attributes of sustainability, conservation, collaboration, and community, once perceived as obstacles to progress, are more and more the foundation to the continued existence of life on Earth as we know it.  The juxtaposition between the antiquated unviable way of resource exploitation and the evolving alternative of holistic integration is a conflict.  Yet, this may be the greatest moment to ascertain the true capacity of humans to adapt.  “Conflict transformation is to envision and respond to the ebb and flow of social conflict as life-giving opportunities for creating constructive change processes that reduce violence, increase justice in direct interaction and social structures, and respond to real-life problems in human relationships” (John Paul Lederach, The Little Book of Conflict Transformation). 

Historically, large scale social conflict has been precipitated by an outside demographic that has physically demanded the collective take accountability for social distortion and change.  The diversification and holistic transformation of the Forest Service in the 80’s was instigated by conflict between the “timber beasts,” often older white males and “ologists,” often younger ethnic women.  The new demographic had to demand workplace change (sexual harassment lawsuits, positive workplace trainings, and sheer growth in numbers) often at a high cost of social cohesion, organization efficiency, and compromised feminine identification.  The 60’s were another period characterized by large scale social conflict; racial, generational, economic, religious yet this uncomfortable tension ultimately contributed to the inclusion of more diverse perspectives in society.  More recently, the gay rights movement demonstrates the transformative capacity of conflict to create inclusion.  As more people embrace their homosexuality, the ripple effect is that it becomes more personal to those who are resistant.  The evolving perceptions of homosexual rights demonstrates that the “human community and relationships are not static but ever dynamic, adapting, and changing” (John Paul Lederach, The Little Book of Conflict Transformation).    

Water conflict and climate change are not limited to any social demographic or geographic area; they transcend all boundaries.  The shear scale and implications of inaction for life on Earth demand a paradigm shift.  “The narrowness of resolution approaches may solve problems but miss the greater potential for constructive change” (John Paul Lederach, The Little Book of Conflict Transformation).  In order for massive global conscious evolution to be sustainable the transformational process must be manifest simultaneously at the grassroots level of individuals and intentionally integrated into the social fabric of community relations.  That raises the question as to what psychological transition needs to be made in order to perceive conflict as other than an experience to be avoided.  What as individuals do we need to acknowledge inwardly to more effectively leverage conflict as a transformative opportunity?  How do we as conscious individuals approach and engage our community to perceive conflict otherwise? 

The path of water often appears tortuous yet it always follows the path of least resistance.  Conflict is taxing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually yet great change is born from conflict when our perception changes.  Water is always changing energy and matter.  Conflict can be intense, verbally combative or it can result in win-win compromise.  Water sculpts the Earth with canyons and paints the sky with clouds.  Conflict molds culture and society; the enlightenment period, science and religion (Earth is round versus flat).  Water evaporates, precipitates, and freezes.  Conflict is chest thumping, passive aggressive, and acquiescence.  Water rains, hails, snows, mists, and steams.  Conflict is intrapersonal, interpersonal, community, nation, and multi-nation. 

Reading the river is always easier in the light than in the dark, that which was hidden is revealed, and that which sounded terrifying becomes manageable.  If we are willing to read between the obstacles of our own relationship to conflict, we empower creative impulse and recognize alternative perceptions.  Conscious evolution is a choice, are we willing to change or are we entrenched in a perception that constrains us to repeating the same destructive behavior over and over.  “Water is the driver of Nature” (Leonardo da Vinci).  Let us follow the river, let it be the catalyst for our collective evolution.   

 

Mindful Reflections

 

Everything in my logical mind implores me

                To walk away, to run, to not waste my time

Yet, for some uncanny reason I keep returning

All the while my mind, tempest, rages, storms

                The broken pieces of your life washing on my shore

I don’t walk away

Nor do I collect the debris for you

An observer, keenly aware of the tragedy and vulnerability

Having been the castoff, deposited on barren shores

I walk beyond the bounds

                Of hero, victim, and perpetrator

That isn’t my path

Something in my heart draws me to you

Like the tide rising to greet the moon

If, If I thought about it

                Undercurrents of confusion would drown me

I wonder, I wonder

                What we knew and agreed to

Why Water?

I’ve always had a proclivity for water, it is sheer magic.  I’m easily transfixed watching it dance from the sky perfect golden ratio, snow crystals that quickly vanish on an outstretched tongue or maybe linger a few seconds longer on a woolen mitten.  My inner child is soothed by it rhythmically drumming the metal roof one moment in torrential warrior beats and then softly, sweetly fairy chimes.  I am hypnotized as water cascades over Precambrian stair steps rushing as swiftly as a shooting star, brightly capturing glinting rays of light, yet a lake’s surface easily appears as still as the tranquil blanket of the Milky Way.  I am amazed how water freezes in 3 feet long unicorn horns from my poorly insulated roof and then the spiraled perfection melts drip by drip as winter’s grip thaws.  The raw power of a rain swollen river caterwauling over boulders the size of cars and dislodging 20 feet diameter root wads is magnificent.  Equally, impressive is how in less than 24 hours that same river can shrink to a slow meandering wade able stream.   

The river of life is a most perfect ironic metaphor for a hydrologist contemplating turbulent waters and charting a new course.  I’ve waded many frothing snowmelt laden waterways with shifting footing, lost my step a number of times, filled my waders with icy water, and have come close to being swept downstream.  Today I find myself on a familiar riverbank, albeit one perceived to have already been crossed, questioning everything I’ve done to this point and if there is any merit in a logical way forward or perhaps this is the time to cast caution to the river.  The cold truth is my chosen profession no longer nourishes my soul and is joyless; the hegemony of government bureaucracy shackles any innovation and creativity, entrenched ideology and political pandering preclude legitimate natural resource based decision making, and I can find no merit in science as a means of inspiring humanity to care about the natural environment as it seems only to illicit divisiveness akin to religion.  However, there is a deep conviction, the taproot of my Earthly existence and a heartfelt desire to continue to work with water.  The means remains elusive.  

The versatility of water never ceases to amaze me.  It is one of the reasons that compelled me to pursue a career as a hydrologist.  The other justifications being that it was a logical and lucrative field of study given that everyone and everything needs water, clean pure water is a finite resource and growing human demands for it require sound science based management, scientific knowledge is the best way to proactively engage the public, and lastly I didn’t believe in my ability to be a successful artist.  There are many instances in my life where deep contemplation of the water crises sent me tumbling headfirst down the rabbit hole of depression and disillusionment.  Honestly I could easily be jaded and pessimistic about the prospects for global water resources and the future of humanity.  That’s the double edge sword scientists play with and I’ve spent enough energy in the past entertaining that abysmal trajectory.  However, life has a fantastic mysterious way of transforming conditioned perceptions and fortunately I’ve been gifted a great opportunity to change. 

As Einstein so succinctly stated, we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.  There is a global water situation; more countries are expected to experience severe water shortages with the changing climate, groundwater resources are rapidly being depleted, 2 billion people lack access to clean water, 2.5 billion people lack access to sanitation, and hundreds of thousands of children die each year due to contaminated water (https://thewaterproject.org/water_scarcity, http://www.unwater.org/publications/publications-detail/en/c/204294, and http://projecthumanity.org/water-problem/).  There are major issues that need to be addressed however first and foremost I must change my perceptions.  What we think and how we think has a profound impact on how we relate to the world.  I have chosen to believe in the immense capacity of water to unity humanity in a shared vision and transform how we as a global culture interact with the natural environment.  I am not abandoning science, it is a great way of interpreting natural phenomenon yet it fails to touch the heart of humanity and subsequently alter established habits.  My own transformation is not solely thought based but also returning to the power of art activism, the capacity of art to transcend conditioning and move the soul. 

The nature of water is simultaneously poignantly personal and communally conscious.  The most visceral way we relate to water is physical yet the magic of water is the immense capacity to transform humanity emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  We are all reminded daily in the papers, on the internet and TV, what transpires when a world denigrates water, life.  Our rivers are dammed, channelized, piped, and diverted from one watershed to another; herbicides and pesticides runoff fields into nearby waterways; we irrigate the desert, grow cotton in Arizona, and put pools in every backyard in Las Vegas; we put chlorine into our drinking water; and we bottle and sell water.  We take liberties with water having forgotten that clean pure fresh water is a finite resource.  The outer world is but a reflection of the inner world.  Our relationship with water is a reflection of our own lives.  Recreating a relationship with water and honoring the immense role it plays in our lives is a very small yet powerful step to renewal, individually and collectively.  Water reminds us of the sacredness of life, the fragility of life, and the delicate balance between thriving and thirsting.  When we honor water we honor life, nothing can exist without water.  It is this commonality that if we choose to can transport humanity from the throes of egoistic self-destruction to the vibrant nurturing shores of acceptance, compassion, and collaboration. 

Al Gore poignantly stated, “the more deeply I search for the roots of the global environmental crisis, the more I’m convinced that it is the outer manifestation of an inner crisis that is, for lack of a better word, spiritual.”  I would say the crisis of humanity is a by-product of the dissolution of spiritual relationship with self and the outer world.  Spiritual being right relationship with ourselves, each other, and the natural world.  Respect, reverence, communion, non-judgement, non-attachment, non-suffering, and beauty just being a few examples of right relationship.  Water can facilitate and ease our transformation as it ubiquitously flows through all facets of life.  As all currents merge in the river so to can all life merge harmoniously. 

Water is the story of life.  At every level water is fundamental to our existence.  It weaves a tale throughout our lives demarcating the tragic, poetic, romantic, and comical moments of being.  There are times when it rages, languishes, swirls around itself, but always moves forward transforming the moment.  A womb of water nurtures us for nine months and then transports us into the world of free choice.  Our bodies are comprised predominantly of water, without water we shrivel up to dust.  Water baptizes the initiates and transports the deceased to the other side in many religions.  Water propels the turbines of economic progress casting light into dim corners so fresh minds can bring forth new ideas.  Water is always there calling to us to remember our connection, to come home.  Water is the great equalizer, it transcends all boundaries and can bring the most vocal opponents together with a shared value for life.